


Numb

by aishiterumo



Series: My personal Hematite [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Chronic Pain, Gen, Light Angst, Paralysis (kinda)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:34:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26001229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aishiterumo/pseuds/aishiterumo
Summary: It’s one of those days for Chan, one he can only wait until he’s able to get up and function  It’s one of those days, when he’s thankful he’s not alone.
Series: My personal Hematite [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1839322
Comments: 9
Kudos: 23





	Numb

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: this work is part of a series 'My personal Hematite' which contains therapeutic works i wrote during some of my dark moments (panic attacks, depression episode, dissociation episode etc). i wrote these to help myself, they may not make any sense and are not related in any way. read with care, and be mindful of your comments. Thank you.

He was stuck in bed, breath heavy but even. His eyes were half opened as he had just woken up. He could feel his heart beating as if it was inside his ear. He closed his eyes again, lifting his arm to put it over his face. His hand was swinging lightly next to his face. Slowly, he turned his face to the side, his nose brushing against his skin, on the inner part of his elbow. When he opened his eyes again, he moved his arm away, letting the light get to his eyes gradually. He then tried to get up, both of his hands flat on his mattress next to his hips. His left hand gave away, making him fall pathetically on his bed again.

The pain was located in his left hand, slowly going up to his wrist. Heavy, stinging, it felt like his wrist was broken. He could feel his veins being all tense, his muscle as well. He could feel everything but nothing at the same time. His hand was numb, so numb he had pins and needles in his fingers. “Come on Chan, you can do this,” he muttered to himself. Closing his eyes again, taking a deep breath, he lifted his left arm and moved his wrist in circles. It cracked a bit, nothing unusual so far. He then bent a finger after another. They all cracked, except his middle fingers which always seemed reluctant to make a noise. Nothing unusual either. He then stretched his fingers as much as he could, moving his wrist downwards then upwards, it made a slight noise. His entire arm was numb, at this point, but the pain in his wrist was gone. “Ok, good,” he said in a whisper.

However, as soon as he put his arm down, the pain came back, even worse than before. “Come on, you’re gonna be late,” Chan kept on talking to himself, his voice more and more annoyed at every word. His heart was beating a tiny bit faster, louder, spreading to his head. The pain went from the tip of his fingers to his elbow. He tried moving his arm again, it was way too heavy. Finally, mostly sick of it, he sat up in his bed, his arm dangling on his side like it was badly attached to his body, similar to a cartoon character who’d have an arm made of paper. His left ear made some kind of ‘pop’ noise before feeling blocked, noise sounding muffled as it came to him. Chan growled, annoyed as he knew what was going to happen next.

As if on cue with his mind, his back started to ache hardly. His spine felt on fire, but then it simply felt as if every bone, every disk of his spine, was holding a weight of its own. Chan closed his eyes again, inhaling sharply before getting up on his feet. It was not stupid pain who will keep him from doing what he had planned for today.

“Oh shit,” not even fully standing up, his left leg gave up and he fell back on his bed. Numb. Everything was numb, and as soon as he realized how numb he felt, everything was just, there.

His left cheekbone was rock hard, his left eye was stinging, the left corner of his mouth felt like dropping downwards when it probably wasn’t, his left shoulder was heavy, his left ear was ringing in a low muffled noise, everything was heavy, unusually painful–yet usual enough for him not to freak out.

As slowly as he could, yet not slowly enough, he fell back on his previous position. Lying down on his back, staring at his ceiling. He stretched his right arm to take his phone from his bedside table. Unlocking it with his face ID, he opened his message app with his right thumb, texting his friend as quickly as his only functioning hand allowed him to.

To: Minho

From: Bang Chan

Message:  **Soz, can’t come now, can we reschedule? one hour**

A slight whooshing noise stating that the message had been sent, Chan put his phone on his chest, waiting for a message notification. In the meantime, he closed his eyes and, strangely, focused on the pain flooding his body.

His head hurt, the pain was pounding right between his two eyes, on the bridge of his nose. It came down a bit under his eyes, it felt like they were about to pop out. He knew it wasn’t the case, still, he couldn’t help but imagine what it’d feel like if it was really happening. But then, as sudden as possible, his left foot felt heavy, pricking needles all over it. Numbness again, all over. “Come on, just stop,” he pleaded to his own body, to no avail.

To: Bang Chan

From: Minho

Message:  **Oh shit, migraine again? Or is it your chronic pain? I can come to your place instead if it’s better, we can reschedule anytime, no worries!**

He took his phone with his right hand as soon as he heard the  _ ting _ sound from the notification. He softly smiled while reading his friend’s text, wondering how he ever got such understanding friends. He forgot to answer for a minute, but then agreed for the boy to come to his place. They could still reschedule, that was for sure.

“But I have to get up,” he whimpered as he got reminded of his last try. He grunted while sitting on the edge of his bed, whispering short words of encouragement to himself before getting up on his feet. His left leg quivered a bit, yet it stayed still. Numb, still numb, but not weak. Heavy, oh so heavy.

One step at a time, he walked to his front door. His left leg wasn’t bending, making him limp his way to the door. His left arm still dangling at his side. He unlocked it, then went to his kitchen to prepare a fresh cup of coffee for his friend, knowing he’d ask for one even before saying  _ hello _ . He was used to doing things with only his right hand, yet it still felt foreign and weird to him. Not long after, he heard a knock on his door, then the sarcastic voice of his friend; “It’s me, with my flying rug and your favorite unicorn!” It made him snort, as Minho  _ always _ said he came on a flying rug and a random mythical creature. He yelled from the kitchen that the door was opened, the other boy entered. “Coffee?” he heard his friend say. A giggle escaped from his mouth before he even registered it.

His pain was long gone, now that his friend was there. Everything was still numb, yet he forgot all about it as he was sitting on a chair, opposite his friend, a game of uno displaying on the table. His left leg was straight under the table, his feet resting between Minho’s legs, on the edge of his chair. His left arm was still on his side, he only relayed on his right hand to hold his cards and play.

“Ah! Take that!” Minho shouted as he pulled a draw four card. It made Chan giggle as he put the exact same card right on top of it, meaning that Minho had to draw eight cards now.

“I hate you,” Minho’s words were harsh, but his tone was playful. They both chuckled and resumed the game, Minho sipping on his coffee from time to time. “Are you feeling better?”

Chan put down a red three card, shrugging as he didn’t even know how he felt. It still hurt, he was still numb, everything still felt too much, but he wasn’t  _ alone _ , now. 

**Author's Note:**

> I actually had to wait until I could feel my left hand to write this (not a fan of writing with one hand, especially not on my phone), sorry if it makes no sense at all.
> 
> find more work on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/softflowermin) :]  
> you can also ask question related to my works on my [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/softflowermin)!


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